Mom of 9 flips out when sister refuses to buy each child a separate gift for Christmas: 'If I got everyone something, that would come to over $1000'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 3, 2025 9:00 PM EST

The holidays get more complicated the more people who are involved.

Getting together with a big family at Christmas can be a wonderful experience, but there is a lot to think about. The various relationship dynamics, who is going to host, and what the gifts are going to be like are all things that can prove to be complicated as soon as the numbers reach double figures.

One of the biggest issues that arises when holding a large festive get-together is the cost; while it is possible to have fun on a budget, the more there are to cater for, the more money that has to be spent. Not everybody is going to be able to live up to expectations in this regard, and not everybody is going to want to, either. Splitting the bill has to be something that all paying adults in the arrangement can agree on beforehand.

 

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  • two young girls sitting by a christmas tree in their pajamas looking surprised at a large gift
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman struggled with this after she faced a disagreement with her sister. She was childless, and her sister had a family of 9 kids with her husband and lived thousands of miles away.

    Normally, she would send her nieces and nephews a combined gift during the holidays, as it was simpler than buying nine separate gifts. However, this year her sister requested that she get them separate gifts, and sent across their Christmas lists.

    The things that the kids wanted were out of budget, so she told her sister that it wouldn't happen. This upset her, and she wanted to know if she was in the wrong.

  • AITA for not giving individual Christmas gifts to my sister's kids?

    To start off, my sister and I are not close. Nothing happened, I don't think she's a terrible person. We are just two very, very different people and live very separate lives. We text each other on birthdays, and call each other once around the holidays and that's it. We live thousands of miles away from each other and it's been about 8 years since I've seen her and her family in person.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • I don't have kids, while my sister has always dreamed of a huge family, and she got her wish. Between her and her husband, they have 9 kids between the ages of 2 and 16. After my sister and her husband got married and the head count reached over 4, I decided to just
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • start getting something for all the kids to share on Christmas. Some years it's been something for all of them to do, some years it's been something like a gaming system. I figured it was probably nicer to get one expensive gift
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • that they probably wouldn't have gotten rather than 9 cheaper ones. My sister's never said anything about it, although I don't know how she really feels about this.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • a young girl wearing pajamas, undoing the bow on a large gift box
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • A week back I got a surprise call from my sister. She said money was super tight this year and was wondering if I could get all the kids something they can unwrap individually, instead of one big thing. I asked her to send me their Christmas lists to see what that would look like.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • Most of the kids asked for really expensive electronic items, totally well over 100 bucks a kid. If I got everyone something from their list, that would come to well over $1000. I haven't even met some of the kids, and I am not even part of a religion that celebrates Christmas, so I thought that was a ton of cash to drop.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • I called my sister back and said hey I appreciate money is tight (because hello it is she's raising the next line up for Braves- not that I said that) but I said I'm just not in a position myself to spend over a grand on Christmas gifts. My sister got upset and said she just wanted to give the kids all something
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • to open. I said I understood, but unless she was willing to let me know some cheaper options, I wasn't able to spend that much. We went back and forth for a while before she snapped and called me a jerk and hung up.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • We haven't spoken since. I appreciate the position she's in, but I just can't justify spending that much on Christmas presents.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • young children sitting at a table holding popsicle sticks decorated in a christmas theme
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • EuropeSusan NTA. get each of the children an age appropriate book. they aren't too expensive, something to unwrap, the kids can read instead of being bored and it's good for their education. or smaller sets of Lego and Barbie Dolls.
    via EuropeSusan
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA Oh I actually love the idea of getting all the kids books!
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • Muted-Chemistry-128 You are not an AH. She sounds as if she is somewhat desperate and with that many children, that would not be a surprise. She likely assumes that with no children, you are well off financially and spending $1,000 on her kids would be doable. That is really unreasonable of her. Having said that, do send 9 wrapped gifts but restrict the costs to what you can afford. Be sure to include a card with each gift specifying that it is from Aunt X and Uncle Y.
    via Muted-Chemistry-128
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA Yeah since we don't talk about anything deep, I'm sure she just assumes we aren't struggling. We aren't at the moment, but with the economy, we are playing it safe.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • Any-Class-2673 NTA. Your sister is being unreasonable to put that on you. If I were you, I would still get the kids something because it isn't their fault their mum is being an asshole. Maybe some technology that they can all use, and then a bit of chocolate for each of them to have individually. But definitely don't go breaking the bank over it.
    via Any-Class-2673
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA Oh yeah I wouldn't punish the kids over this at all. I already had something in mind for them.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • axw3555 NTA, she said that money's tight so she can't spend as much. Money is too tight for you to spend a thousand dollars - which is more than I've spent on my parents, grandparents, 5 aunts, 6 uncles (2 sides of the family, some are mums, some are dads, not a family like your sisters), and 9 cousins combined in the last 5 years. She can't plead poverty and then get annoyed when you say the same thing back.
    via axw3555
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA Yeah a thousand dollars on gifts for one occasion is pretty eye watering to me. LoL.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • Liz066 I think you handled this beautifully and graciously. I am always a little stunned by people, who are asking for gifts, responds that the gift is insufficient. ??
    via LizO66
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA Thank you. I think she believes I spend more on gifts than I really do, and probably assumes I'm spending close to $1000 anyway and just wanted me to split it differently, but I'm not.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • Blu3Shyft I'm going to take a wild stab here, and say that maybe your sister wanted to take your name off the packages and add hers so she'd look like the hero to her kids at your expense. Maybe not, but that's what I thought reading this.
    via Blu3Shyft
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA I've said it a couple other times but I don't think that's what's happening. I always get a lovely card from the kids (signed by the ones who can write that is) thanking me and being specific about it.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA
  • plemyrameter NTA, but one other idea - if you'd normally spend $300 on a group gift (estimating based on the mention of a gaming system), you could consider sending her the money to buy them gifts herself? It would save you some hassle and shipping expense. Unless you figure this is more of a shakedown, it might help maintain the relationship. Honestly, I think you've been generous to send any gift at all to people you hardly ever see and don't have much of a relationship with.
    via plemyrameter
  • OP NotWrongChristmas TA I've thought about this but I do want to keep the line of communication open to the kids and let them know they have another relative out there, even though I'm not close.
    via NotWrongChristmasTA

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